I happen

I don’t TRY anymore
I just kind of HAPPEN
and I don’t WRITE this
it just happens THROUGH me
and I’M not the one who LOVES you
“I” am WAY too small for that
love just HAPPENS in YOUR presence through ME

I’m not even the one who THINKS
I have NO CONTROL over my thoughts
thinking streams THROUGH me
and just happens

I can step back
from some IMAGINARY space
in my IMAGINED SELF
and I can watch ME happen
and I can WATCH me WATCH
but THAT just kind of HAPPENS too

so what of MY WILL and the choices I make?

I can watch myself CHOOSE
and I can think I’m responsible for my choices
but I have to I laugh
because MY CHOICES are made
IN RESPONSE to all the things I had NO CONTROL OVER
in the first place
they just HAPPENED

then what’s the use of BEING HERE if I am just HAPPENING?
I don’t know?
maybe I need to pose the question to ALL OF EXISTENCE

and SEE what happens

©2006 chris spheeris